How and Why I work

I work with individuals to facilitate them waking up to their own lives. I do this through the medium of Coaching.

When I speak to groups, I'm looking to reach those individuals who will immediately recognize that they need to be Coached - even if they didn't know what Coaching was when they walked in the room.

Notwithstanding the importance of group dynamics, I believe that one individual with purpose and clarity of vision can shift a community.

When you make your life the finest it can be, you move yourself forward, inspire others and change yourself and the world. I work with you to help you create and actualize your intention, influence others and change your life.

Although I use many learned Coaching techniques such as perspective shift, pattern recognition, Core Value work, deep listening and uncovering underlying automatic commitments, my coaching is most strongly influenced by the principles of Constructive Living and Zen Buddhism.

What is Constructive Living?

C.L. is a lifestyle "operating system" which applies sensible, simple principles to everyday life.

It was developed by Dr. David K. Reynolds and is based on Naikan (Insight Meditation) and Morita Therapy, a  Japanese "quiet" Therapy developed by Dr. Shoma Morita, Japan's most eminent psychiatrist.  Reynolds believes that Constructive Living was our natural language - which we all knew at one time but have long since forgotten. This is analogous to the Zen concept of "original nature."

My work is centered around assisting people in developing their attention skills, letting go of limiting beliefs, destructive habitwebs and fear. 

When you pay attention to your life, I mean really pay attention, the appropriate course of action is always apparent to you and you naturally act with decision and purpose. 

The dozens of books Reynolds has written on Constructive Living can be found on Amazon.com and many of them are available for sale at Ordinary Life Bookstore online. Here is a very brief introduction. Don't be put off by the simplicity of the concepts.

To live constructively you need only:

Know your purpose in everything.

You will always have enough information to find it. This may sound simple in practice. It is, but it's not necessarily easy.

After you determine your purpose do what needs to be done to achieve it.

Take action with the awareness that you cannot control the outcome of your actions.  You can only control your own behavior and not the results of that behavior.

But what if your feelings get in the way of what you want to do?

 Well, that’s how we complicate things.

The Pleasure Principle illustrates that we will always move away from discomfort or dis-ease and towards Pleasure. All animals, including we humans, do this. A dog will do whatever it can to get food if it's hungry. Hunger is painful.

As humans, we often determine that other situations are painful and we do our best to avoid them.  Asking for what we need may be painful, trying for a new job may be painful, doing something different to stretch ourselves may be very painful. From time to time, it may be necessary to do all of these things to live a healthy, fulfilled life. But if we are afraid, we may avoid them and stay small and safe because we want to avoid pain.

Pain is Necessary. Suffering is Optional.

We can't avoid suffering. It's a part of life.

Usually, the underlying suffering is the everyday pain of living. Sickness, death, unemployment, financial shortages, dissatisfaction at work, ungrateful kids, neglectful partners.

But the man-made suffering that we pile on, such as worrying, anger, avoidance, blaming, fear -  is unnecessary and destructive.

In other words  - it's not what happens to you it's how you deal with it and the meaning that you attach to it.

We all know people who have little in terms of material things but who seem to be happy and have peace of mind. We all know people who seem to have everything, but who are stressed, critical of themselves and others, constantly complaining and permanently dissatisfied with their lives. What determines how these people respond to their very different life circumstances?

The Good News about Feelings.

Your feelings don’t need to be fixed. There’s nothing wrong with them and there’s nothing wrong with you.

This is bad news for the Personal Development Industry which makes billions of dollars a year worldwide persuading people that there’s something lacking which only they can provide. In other words - you need a solution which is outside yourself.

They tell us we need to build our self-esteem, gain confidence, become motivated and empowered, eliminate fear, get rid of negativity and practice relentless positive affirmations and visualizations.

In other words we need to change our feelings before we can act. They tell us there is something outside of ourselves that we need to find, learn or buy in order that we can do what we need to do.  Something has to happen before we can really be ourselves.

Does this make sense? Of course not.

You don't need to add or take away anything from your life. You just need to wake up to what is already there and use it wisely.

And, by the way, we humans don’t need any encouragement to procrastinate and put obstacles between ourselves and action. We're very good at that already - thank you very much.

A strong emphasis on feelings is misplaced. You can’t build a life on feeling good all the time. Nor should you. You’d be ill-prepared when misfortune hits and sometimes we all need to do things which are unpleasant.

An alternative to building ourselves up before we act is to feel the fear, accept it and act anyway.

I’m not talking about acting despite fear or denying its existence. I’m talking, here, about choosing action in the completely accepted presence of whatever emotion would ordinarily hold us back.

What you will learn

• I teach my clients that putting their lives on hold while they get ready to act, wastes time and leads to resentment, frustration and missed opportunities.
• They learn to accept that they don’t have to be courageous or confident in order to do something. They just have to do it.
• They come to accept anxiety as a very useful feeling. It gives them feedback about what’s important to them.
• They don’t try to get rid of anxiety before that all-important interview. They learn from it, take it with them and do what they need to do.
• My clients come to realize that there is no such thing as a "self-made" person.

We are all interdependent. We got where we are because of the gifts of others; their time, attention, teaching, physical, financial and spiritual support.

When we recognize the way in which the world has always supported,  and continues to support, us we develop a more realistic view of the way things work.

Gratitude beats chocolate for an endorphin rush any day.

It’s very hard to be anxious, stressed out, self-pitying or overwhelmed when you’re focused on someone else.

• My clients learn that although they may work towards specific goals, the lasting benefits of the Coaching Relationship come when they construct their own templates for decision-making  based on these simple principles. This sets them up to act alone and autonomously.
• They find that living by a moral and purposeful code eliminates daily second-guessing and renegotiation.
• They build their lives bit by bit, decision by decision, day by day. They allow outdated belief systems and unhelpful or destructive behaviors to fall away. They replace them with new "structures" which move them forward to a life of purpose and fulfillment. 
• Together, we set action plans. Feelings lose their power to sabotage and direct the course of their lives.
• Their confidence and self-esteem grow.
• They become empowered and positive.
• They often achieve, in fact, all of those things the Self-Help books and seminars promise to deliver. But they do so as a result of their own actions and life experiences.

This is change at a cellular level. A way of living which benefits you physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Like most things Constructed Life Coaching takes practice and consistency to work. It’s truly a lifestyle – not a quick fix.

But these gentle non-judgmental principles can change your life if you choose to let them in.

Contact The Constructed Life

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